Mascot Match-Up

When football season began I had every intention of continuing on my 'witty' commentary for the mascot match-up, and then I came to a conclusion...I must not have worked as much as I thought I did at my last job! Since week one of college football I have not had the time to just sit here and write out all of my witty thoughts; unlike last year. So here is my commentary for the week:

Oregon State Beavers @ #15 Utah State Aggies
I feel sorry for the Utah State Aggies; I really do. You want to know why? Because the Texas-based Aggies give all Aggies a bad rap. But, this is mascot match-up and I don't give pity votes...so based off of the information I have regarding an Aggie...they are terrified of beavers...so I am going to give this one to the Oregon State Beavers!

UPDATE: It is half-time during this game, and I just realized that I have the wrong Utah team! It is the University of Utah Utes, not the Utah State Aggies! Whoops! So, even though it is too late, I have to ask, does this change my prediction? The Utes get their name from an Indian tribe (shout out!), so I would say that the Utes would easily take the Beavers! Plus, everytime I think of the Utes I think of the movie My Cousin Vinny, hehe. Has nothing to do with the outcome, just makes me laugh.

Kentucky Wildcats @ #2 Alabama Crimson Tide
Alabama is the Crimson Tide, but their physical mascot is an Elephant. So Wildcat vs Elephant...you know who wins...an Elephant...everytime! And if I would have stuck to my mascot match-up rules I would have predicted the huge upset of last week vs the Georgia Bulldogs!

#3 Missouri Tigers vs Nebraska Cornhuskers
Anytime a Tiger mascot goes against a 'human' mascot I can't help but recall a Chris Rock joke that I just love. After the attack on Ray Horn of Siegfried & Horn by one of their white tigers everyone was saying that the 'Tiger went crazy!" That tiger didn't go crazy! That tiger went tiger! That tiger went crazy when he was riding around on a tricyle with a Hitler helmet on! Now, I will say that I think a corn fed farmer would put up more of a fight then Ray Horn...but in the end...the Tiger wins!

#7 Texas Tech Red Raiders vs Kansas State Wildcats
Let me just pause for a moment...you read that! #7! Ok, so we are talking about my boy Raider Red vs a Wildcat...no contest! And if for any reason Raider Red is banged up a bit during his stomping over the wildcats...I will happily fill in for him next week.

#12 Florida Gators vs Arkansas Razorbacks
We are going to be at this game; and I am so stinkin' excited! First off, we are going to see our dear friends, The Hills, whom I love so much! I just hate they live so far away! :( Secondly, we are watching SEC football LIVE! You have not experienced college football until you have been in an SEC stadium; its amazing! So, although the Gators are going to put a stomping on the poor Razorbacks, I will be calling the pigs just like the rest of the weirdos! (Might even convince Steven to buy me a pig nose...)

#13 Auburn Tigers vs #19 Vanderbilt Commodores
Well first off, I am so glad I Wikipedied (is that a word) this one...because I was already typing about a Tiger vs a bird (Condor); wrong! So now that we have that Jessi-duh out of the way, we are talking about a Tiger vs a Commodore. The quick research I did showed this Commodore fella having the biggest John-Trivolta-Butt-Chin I have ever seen! Granted, the butt chin is on a mascot who's head is freakishly huge...but still! John Trivolta and his scary Butt Chin are going down!

#14 Ohio State Buckeyes vs #17 Wisconisn Badgers
This is a tough one because technically a Buckeye is a tree, and their mascot is a dude with a big nut on his head...no joke. So pretty much anything is going whoop up on a buckeye (except maybe a beaver). So, I am going out on a limb here (hehe, no pun intended, tree limb...nevermind) and saying the Badgers will win this one. Badgers eat nuts (I think...maybe I should Wikipedia that too)

Texas A&M Aggies vs #21 Oklahoma State Cowboys
First off, A&M, Utah has a bone to pick with you. Ok, Aggie vs a Cowboy. I don't even want to spend time on a clever commentary...I choose the Cowboys; because I am a woMAN!

Illinois Fighting Illini @ Michigan Wolverines
A wolverine is quite a fierce little animal, but it does not stand a chance up against an Indian!
The sprit of Chief Illinwek (shout out!) will take down the wolverines, thats just what 'us people' do :)

#23 Oregon Ducks @ #9 USC Trojans
The ducks do not stand a chance against the Trojans; and you know why...the Trojans are fuming mad that they were the laughing stock last week when being beat by a Beaver!

Ducks-17 Trojans-34